As parents, we want to do everything we can to take care of and protect our children. However, we can’t constantly be watching over them as they need to learn some things on their own. Unfortunately, though, sometimes teenagers do things that put them in serious danger, and it is every parent’s worst nightmare. One grieving mother, Angee Penner, was absolutely devastated after she lost her daughter Ashlyn to a heroin overdose on her 19th birthday.
Angee decided to use her daughter’s death to write out a letter. She then shared this message on social media for all parents to read. This is what she wrote:
“That one last high. That one last high destroyed everything good. That one last high sounded like a good idea at the time I guess… just one last time turned into forever. That one last high lead to two detectives ringing my doorbell at 3:44 am. Telling me my baby is gone. My precious little girl, my first true love. That one last high led to me explaining to her brother and father and aunts and uncles that she had died. That one last high led me to a funeral home Only 12 hours after being told the life-altering news. Staring at my sweet girls face, her body half covered by a sheet, hospital gown draped over her to hide the autopsy incisions.
That one last high led me to hold her face and crying..kissing every part of her I could. Wanting so bad to pull down the sheet and look at her birthmark on her leg or the birthmark on her finger I had kissed each night since she was a baby. That one last high led me to a room, brain in a fog, staring at caskets trying to decide which one my little girl should be buried in. That one last high led to writing an obituary, planning a funeral and a house full of flowers from grieving friends and family. That one last high left me going through her closet. Picking out a dress. Buying a cardigan of her favorite color for her to be buried in. I was careful to cut out the tags because I know she didn’t like the way they made her itch. That one last high led me to go through countless pictures from her first breath till her last. Making memory boards and slideshows… trying to fit 18 sweet years into 10 minutes.
That one last high led me to my knees in front of her casket at the viewing. Pleading with God to take me instead. Demanding him to rewind time. Yelling if he is so almighty why can’t he take it back. Staring through a haze saying thank you for coming repeatedly and comforting her friends. That one last high led us to the church at 11 am. Where I watched her 15-year-old brother help carry her coffin. Where I looked at her for the very last time. Where I wore a matching outfit to what she would be buried in. Where I leaned into her casket and kissed her cold lips and tucked her hair behind her ear one last time. That one last high left me staring at her casket for an hour after everyone had left the graveside. Scared to leave my baby girl alone. That one last high led to me sleeping on her grave so she didn’t have to be alone, contemplating suicide so I could hold her hand on her way to heaven.
That one last high resulted in months of laying on the floor crying, clinging on to anything that reminded me of her or had her scent. Regretting not wrapping her In a blanket because I know she hates the cold. That one last high has turned my hair white and added 10 years to my face. That one last high has left empty days and dreaded nights. Mornings that turn into evenings with no memory of the day. That one last high led me on a search for her ghost everywhere. I am a broken mother because of one last high.” ~Angee Penner mother of Ashlyn Cannon
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